I am not a big fan of transitioning. Nope, not really my thing. I like a comfy groove, a regular routine, with a little spice here and there to keep things interesting, but no major upheavals is fine with me.
Thus, I am feeling a bit lost. I left my job, which I loved, in a fit of anger and disgust, and then found myself wondering what I really wanted. The job can be obtained elsewhere with the same hours and pay, yet I hesitate to pursue it. Even though I loved it, my life was too busy a lot of the time, with after school care, and overtime with the doctors, and now the fall activities have started....So I think to myself that maybe this was some karmic thing where I am meant to be elsewhere, even though I hesitate to embrace such lofty notions of fate vs. chance. People say that things are "meant to be" but I wonder about such belief systems. If that were truly the case, does that mean that all the starving, abused, suffering people in the world were meant to have such awful lives? I just can't buy it. So anyways,.......I tend to re-evaluate my endoctrinations and think that this may be an opportunity to find another avenue in nursing that will provide more flexibility and rewards in the form of client interaction.
So......I accepted a job doing home care. I think it will be fine, but it may bore me. Which brings me to the next part of the sordid problem I am having. I could refresh my RN and get back into that and go the whole route of Community Health that I had originally wanted all those years ago before I fell off the tracks, so to speak. The idea of this frightens me, though. With that title comes a great deal of responsibility, and I am a bit of an avoider in that dept. Maybe it's time I grew up. I don't know. And the course is completely FREE now, since the demand is so high for nurses, so I'd be nuts not to do it.
Still I hesitate. I made the call and have a date and time for the next info session. I guess I'll just go and see what happens. How I feel. That sort of thing.
Did I mention how much I hate transition?
Friday, October 10, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Wow, I finally figured out how to log back into this stupid thing. I guess it's like any neglected relationship, it's hard to get back in. I had to reset my password yet again just to log in.
Things are new, and things are old.
I have a wild story to tell, but I won't because it's long and self involved. Suffice it to say, I have suffered some major sexual discrimination, not to mention backhanded lowballing, at my place of work and resigned my position on Friday in a major shitstorm. It was far from pretty. I left my job under the worst of circumstances and I rose my voice and shed tears while I did it, so I feel regretful and justified all at the same time. Thing is, I know I'll find another likely better job, and I know that they were foolish to treat me poorly and all will be good in the end, so whatever, but it bothers me that I let my emotions dictate my behaviour and I was unable to contain myself.
I wish I were more cool, calm, and collected, but I'm not. Whatever.
I went out with some girls tonight for a few drinks and munchies and it was a good time. Came home before I got too inebriated and wanted to dance all night, (as I am known to do), and decided to post, since I do it so often and all. haha.
I am going to be a bit footloose and fancy free the next little while here, so we'll see if I can find some interesting and constructive ways to pass the time.....I'll try to keep you posted.....
Things are new, and things are old.
I have a wild story to tell, but I won't because it's long and self involved. Suffice it to say, I have suffered some major sexual discrimination, not to mention backhanded lowballing, at my place of work and resigned my position on Friday in a major shitstorm. It was far from pretty. I left my job under the worst of circumstances and I rose my voice and shed tears while I did it, so I feel regretful and justified all at the same time. Thing is, I know I'll find another likely better job, and I know that they were foolish to treat me poorly and all will be good in the end, so whatever, but it bothers me that I let my emotions dictate my behaviour and I was unable to contain myself.
I wish I were more cool, calm, and collected, but I'm not. Whatever.
I went out with some girls tonight for a few drinks and munchies and it was a good time. Came home before I got too inebriated and wanted to dance all night, (as I am known to do), and decided to post, since I do it so often and all. haha.
I am going to be a bit footloose and fancy free the next little while here, so we'll see if I can find some interesting and constructive ways to pass the time.....I'll try to keep you posted.....
Saturday, July 19, 2008
madonna , celexa, and snow
I really have nothing to say, and yet I have a lot to say I suppose. I've been away so long I wouldn't know where to start. Summer is so short here, and it's flying by. I know I should live in the moment but I can't help but see how the days are sailing away from me!
We had a week away as soon as school ended, and it was really good. A very long drive up to northern BC with an overnight on the way to break it up a bit, and then a week of sunshine and the beach with the kids and being well fed and taken care of. It was really rough on me, let me tell ya. Then the MIL came back with us for two weeks and took care of the house, the kids, and the cooking while I worked. Again, poor me! haha. I was actually sad to see her go for the first time ever. Not only am I the new and improved version on my meds, but she is the new and improved version and on good behaviour since last year. Put the two together and you find peace and harmony, it's like magic I tell you!
I'm working too much this summer to cover for a co worker who is having a joint replacement surgery. I'm trying to look at it as a means to get me some new furniture and a new vehicle perhaps. My parents and brother will come to help out as well, so I get my visiting in while I work through the week, it's all good.
I am still waiting with limited hope for some Madonna tickets to pan out for us, but it's not looking too good for us over here. Wah! I'm not even the hugest fan but I would really love to see her once. I also missed out on Radiohead and Coldplay tickets so I guess it's not my year to be a party girl. Dammit, I guess it really IS all downhill after 40....I kid. I actually think 40 is my new 25. For years, I went on and on about 25 being a huge year for me, where I went through huge growth and changes and it stuck out as being wonderful. Well now 40 is the one. Me loves me some 40.
Anyways, I don't even know if anyone bothers by anymore, but if you do, I hope you're well in your corner of life. Don't eat yellow snow.
We had a week away as soon as school ended, and it was really good. A very long drive up to northern BC with an overnight on the way to break it up a bit, and then a week of sunshine and the beach with the kids and being well fed and taken care of. It was really rough on me, let me tell ya. Then the MIL came back with us for two weeks and took care of the house, the kids, and the cooking while I worked. Again, poor me! haha. I was actually sad to see her go for the first time ever. Not only am I the new and improved version on my meds, but she is the new and improved version and on good behaviour since last year. Put the two together and you find peace and harmony, it's like magic I tell you!
I'm working too much this summer to cover for a co worker who is having a joint replacement surgery. I'm trying to look at it as a means to get me some new furniture and a new vehicle perhaps. My parents and brother will come to help out as well, so I get my visiting in while I work through the week, it's all good.
I am still waiting with limited hope for some Madonna tickets to pan out for us, but it's not looking too good for us over here. Wah! I'm not even the hugest fan but I would really love to see her once. I also missed out on Radiohead and Coldplay tickets so I guess it's not my year to be a party girl. Dammit, I guess it really IS all downhill after 40....I kid. I actually think 40 is my new 25. For years, I went on and on about 25 being a huge year for me, where I went through huge growth and changes and it stuck out as being wonderful. Well now 40 is the one. Me loves me some 40.
Anyways, I don't even know if anyone bothers by anymore, but if you do, I hope you're well in your corner of life. Don't eat yellow snow.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Let's Hear it for the Tunez!
I have taken to jogging again. A little sunshine was all it took to get me moving. Now if only it would stay and stop snowing on and off we'd be good to go. I had to use the old treadmill tonight since it was cold and windy. Brrr...
Oh, but the tunez. Yeah. I love to jog to some good music. On the old ipod tonight I listened to:
1. Annie Lennox- Womankind
2. The Cure- Just Like Heaven
3. Silversun Pickups-Checkered Floor
4. Annie Lennox-Ghosts in My Machine
5. Red Hot Chili Peppers- My Friends
6. The Cure- Fight
7. Blondie-Hangin on the Telephone
8. John Mayer- Something's Missing
Good times dudes. Couldn't do so much of my life if I had no music.
Love and peace out.
Oh, but the tunez. Yeah. I love to jog to some good music. On the old ipod tonight I listened to:
1. Annie Lennox- Womankind
2. The Cure- Just Like Heaven
3. Silversun Pickups-Checkered Floor
4. Annie Lennox-Ghosts in My Machine
5. Red Hot Chili Peppers- My Friends
6. The Cure- Fight
7. Blondie-Hangin on the Telephone
8. John Mayer- Something's Missing
Good times dudes. Couldn't do so much of my life if I had no music.
Love and peace out.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Somebody needs a shot to the fucking head
So, I guess an explanation is in order.
As soon as we moved in here and met our one set of neighbors, it became glaringly apparent that buddy on the south was an anal type A control freak. However, we have always maintained a friendly rapport over the fence. I knew by his comments and by the way he babied his yard that he found the state of my own disappointing at best. Whatever. I mean, I care, but not enough to spend hours trying to get it up to some Gardening magazine's standards or anything.
Last summer, he spent a fair bit of money filling in the wire fencing only on our shared side with privacy slats, and I can only assume it was because he didn't like the sight of my yard. Again, whatever, I don't really care. Good for him for taking matters into his own hands.
When we told them we were getting a puppy, his tone began to change. Again, whatever. When he asked me how she was and what to expect from her in the way of barking, I said let me know if you have a problem, but it will be a work in progress and something I will be actively working on. Didn't see or hear from him much for a bit. Then I saw him a while back and asked if her occasional yapping here and there was a bother and he said No it's fine. She's learning, she's a pup, blah blah blah......But......
He wanted to let me know that he had a weak stomach and he was really concerned about having to look at the poo in my yard and whenever he sat down to eat and looked out his window and saw it there it made him feel really sick and could I please not leave it there. He went on the express the dire need for me to ensure I didn't leave the frozen ones out there to melt as it would be just awful and disgusting and more than he could take. I assured him that I had been cleaning it all up as best I could and was trying my best to get it all out as the ice melted down and that I was sorry it bothered him and would clean up by his window. Here's me thinking, wow, guy's got nerve, but whatever, it must be bad over there, I'll go clean it up. So I trot out with a bag only to find 3 little turds spread amongst dead leaves and cedar chips that he is obviously ASSUMING are turds since he is and ANAL FREAK. Again, whatever.
I was nothing but polite and apologetic and assured him that I was not interested in annoying my neighbors with my dog, blah blah blah, smile smile, be gracious as he acts like an obnoxious little fuck. Whatever, I am nice as shit to people. To a point.
He and his wife and kids went away for a week or two and had been back for about 3 days come this past Sunday. I had gone to the city to shop with a friend and was in the "Costo's" when the phone rang and it was my very upset and adamant husband on the phone. He said I needed to go get an anti-bark collar ASAP as Fuckhead had just come over yelling and getting in his face about my dog. WTF????
Apparently she was outside and hubby was dealing with a sibling dispute as she barked at the neighbor kids in their yard when they came outside. She is saying hi and wanting them to say hi and then she will go on her way. I mean, she's not seen them in a while and it's the middle of the day and again, whatever. Their dad, the crazy neighbor, is working in the garage, sawing wood and building shit and my dog is preventing him from getting anything done, she is barking at them every time they come outside, she is waking them up all hours of the night, and if we don't do something about it, he will call the town animal control officer and file a complaint. W admonishes him for being rude and aggressive and says, yes the barking is an issue (SUPER HUGE WTF?????) and says it's not his dog and that I am working on it and we will get a collar for her, sorry. HHHHHUUUUUUHHHHHHH????? I was so infuriated by the whole entire situation that I am still recovering from my rage and it's 3 days later.
She does NOT bark all hours of the night whatsoever, and when she does bark at all, it is a couple of minutes at the most, so it's just a crock of shit, and I am deeply offended by the blatant lying and exxageration. That fucking guy hasn't even been in town for the past two weeks for God's sake. Oh and thanks W for defending me and my little girl so valiantly. Yeah.
I got a collar that sprays her in the face with citronella if she barks so she is not making a peep anymore, but I am annoyed that I had to do it even though we were making such great progress and it is only necessary because my FUCKHEAD neighbor is a psychotic control freaking asshole. I yelled and ranted in my kitchen with mine and his windows open about him and how that's just fine, cuz next time he decides to have a big all night party maybe I might have a call or two to make, or next time me and my kids are breathing in his second hand cigarette smoke over the fence I may have a thing or two to say, or maybe when he mows his fucking lawn at dawn on a Saturday how I might have a call to make.
I'm a very nice neighbor, unless you decide you want to fucking be an asshole. Of course, I said all of this loudly and really considered picking up all the poop and depositing it directly under his kitchen window for a week or two, but because I am not an asshole, I likely will not do any of those things. I'm too fucking nice for that shit, or my own good, for that matter. I hate that little fucker now though, and he will never again be in my good books. He's been hiding ever since, but I did speak nicely with his wife and indirectly talked about the issue(s), of which she had none by the way. What a fucking surprise. Not.
If he sees me, he may just want to head the other direction quickly though. I have a couple of things I want to say. And I probably outweigh him by about 10 or 15 pounds, so he better watch out. I took kickboxing you know-haha. Fucking weasel.
As soon as we moved in here and met our one set of neighbors, it became glaringly apparent that buddy on the south was an anal type A control freak. However, we have always maintained a friendly rapport over the fence. I knew by his comments and by the way he babied his yard that he found the state of my own disappointing at best. Whatever. I mean, I care, but not enough to spend hours trying to get it up to some Gardening magazine's standards or anything.
Last summer, he spent a fair bit of money filling in the wire fencing only on our shared side with privacy slats, and I can only assume it was because he didn't like the sight of my yard. Again, whatever, I don't really care. Good for him for taking matters into his own hands.
When we told them we were getting a puppy, his tone began to change. Again, whatever. When he asked me how she was and what to expect from her in the way of barking, I said let me know if you have a problem, but it will be a work in progress and something I will be actively working on. Didn't see or hear from him much for a bit. Then I saw him a while back and asked if her occasional yapping here and there was a bother and he said No it's fine. She's learning, she's a pup, blah blah blah......But......
He wanted to let me know that he had a weak stomach and he was really concerned about having to look at the poo in my yard and whenever he sat down to eat and looked out his window and saw it there it made him feel really sick and could I please not leave it there. He went on the express the dire need for me to ensure I didn't leave the frozen ones out there to melt as it would be just awful and disgusting and more than he could take. I assured him that I had been cleaning it all up as best I could and was trying my best to get it all out as the ice melted down and that I was sorry it bothered him and would clean up by his window. Here's me thinking, wow, guy's got nerve, but whatever, it must be bad over there, I'll go clean it up. So I trot out with a bag only to find 3 little turds spread amongst dead leaves and cedar chips that he is obviously ASSUMING are turds since he is and ANAL FREAK. Again, whatever.
I was nothing but polite and apologetic and assured him that I was not interested in annoying my neighbors with my dog, blah blah blah, smile smile, be gracious as he acts like an obnoxious little fuck. Whatever, I am nice as shit to people. To a point.
He and his wife and kids went away for a week or two and had been back for about 3 days come this past Sunday. I had gone to the city to shop with a friend and was in the "Costo's" when the phone rang and it was my very upset and adamant husband on the phone. He said I needed to go get an anti-bark collar ASAP as Fuckhead had just come over yelling and getting in his face about my dog. WTF????
Apparently she was outside and hubby was dealing with a sibling dispute as she barked at the neighbor kids in their yard when they came outside. She is saying hi and wanting them to say hi and then she will go on her way. I mean, she's not seen them in a while and it's the middle of the day and again, whatever. Their dad, the crazy neighbor, is working in the garage, sawing wood and building shit and my dog is preventing him from getting anything done, she is barking at them every time they come outside, she is waking them up all hours of the night, and if we don't do something about it, he will call the town animal control officer and file a complaint. W admonishes him for being rude and aggressive and says, yes the barking is an issue (SUPER HUGE WTF?????) and says it's not his dog and that I am working on it and we will get a collar for her, sorry. HHHHHUUUUUUHHHHHHH????? I was so infuriated by the whole entire situation that I am still recovering from my rage and it's 3 days later.
She does NOT bark all hours of the night whatsoever, and when she does bark at all, it is a couple of minutes at the most, so it's just a crock of shit, and I am deeply offended by the blatant lying and exxageration. That fucking guy hasn't even been in town for the past two weeks for God's sake. Oh and thanks W for defending me and my little girl so valiantly. Yeah.
I got a collar that sprays her in the face with citronella if she barks so she is not making a peep anymore, but I am annoyed that I had to do it even though we were making such great progress and it is only necessary because my FUCKHEAD neighbor is a psychotic control freaking asshole. I yelled and ranted in my kitchen with mine and his windows open about him and how that's just fine, cuz next time he decides to have a big all night party maybe I might have a call or two to make, or next time me and my kids are breathing in his second hand cigarette smoke over the fence I may have a thing or two to say, or maybe when he mows his fucking lawn at dawn on a Saturday how I might have a call to make.
I'm a very nice neighbor, unless you decide you want to fucking be an asshole. Of course, I said all of this loudly and really considered picking up all the poop and depositing it directly under his kitchen window for a week or two, but because I am not an asshole, I likely will not do any of those things. I'm too fucking nice for that shit, or my own good, for that matter. I hate that little fucker now though, and he will never again be in my good books. He's been hiding ever since, but I did speak nicely with his wife and indirectly talked about the issue(s), of which she had none by the way. What a fucking surprise. Not.
If he sees me, he may just want to head the other direction quickly though. I have a couple of things I want to say. And I probably outweigh him by about 10 or 15 pounds, so he better watch out. I took kickboxing you know-haha. Fucking weasel.
Monday, April 7, 2008
GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
Just a quick note on my lunch break to say my next door neighbor is a FUCKING DOG HATING SON OF A BITCH!!!!! The gloves have come off and he is a freak. I have one thing to say to that fucker, "Shit flies two ways, buddy". More to come.
I am raging inside today. Can you tell?
I am raging inside today. Can you tell?
Friday, March 28, 2008
The times they are a changin'
Careful what you wish for......I got the new job I was wanting!!!!! I am nervous and excited to do something new, yet old. It seems ages since I finished my nursing training, and for reasons I won't really elaborate on, I chose not to pursue it as a career. Mostly though, that decision was based in fear. Fear of failure, of not having what it took, of screwing up and hurting someone, of not being able to handle the pressure. Part of that was right, because with the anxiety issues I was having, I didn't feel capable of handling it. And I probably wasn't.
Since I started taking medication, I am finally able to see my fears more clearly, and feel ready to face them, which is HUGE for me. So, a couple of months back, I started to really think about going back to what I had wanted to do so long ago. I considered just taking a refresher and going for it, but then I decided to take some baby steps and look for a job in a clinic first and see how it felt for me. And that is how I got to this point. Whew.....new chapter time, folks. But I feel ready, even if a bit scared to look stupid. I know I know I should be used to it-heehee.
I sat down here to write my resignation letter for my current job, and the guilt over leaving them is making me procrastinate. They have been really acommodating (sp?) and I know they'll be a bit lost without me as far as covering holidays and such. It's so hard for them to find people who aren't useless, so I know they'll struggle a bit. I will miss them all too, it was a good group to work with, and there's certainly something to be said for that.
My feelings of guilt aren't enough to stop me from yelling "WOOHOO!" I will be free from that mind numbing, annoying, dirty job I had, and I will be challenged in a way that interests me. And I won't have to wear that ugly, embarrassing blue vest any more, double WOOHOO!
The kids have been home on spring break all week and it is now Friday-YAY! It's great to spend time with them, and they say they don't miss school but they complain A LOT about being bored unless they have friends here. Luckily a lot of friends have been around this week so it's been tolerable. I was thinking if I didn't get this job, then I might just quit and stay home for the summer...................HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, What the FUCK was I thinking? No, I did my time at home, and momma needs other distractions, thankyou. I still get plenty of time with them so it all works out if you work 2-3 days a week.
My friend and I are dissolving the recycling business as of the end of summer so that'll be one less thing keeping me overly busy as well. She got preggers and since all the equipment was hers, I opted to give it up when she decided to. Which is totally cool with me, it was a lot of work for not much money. I just hope that all the people we got doing it who weren't before will keep on with it, and find some other way to take it to the depot.
Well the sun is shining madly today but they are calling for freezing temps this weekend so I need to herd everyone outside for some movement and fresh air. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!!
Ciao bellas!
Since I started taking medication, I am finally able to see my fears more clearly, and feel ready to face them, which is HUGE for me. So, a couple of months back, I started to really think about going back to what I had wanted to do so long ago. I considered just taking a refresher and going for it, but then I decided to take some baby steps and look for a job in a clinic first and see how it felt for me. And that is how I got to this point. Whew.....new chapter time, folks. But I feel ready, even if a bit scared to look stupid. I know I know I should be used to it-heehee.
I sat down here to write my resignation letter for my current job, and the guilt over leaving them is making me procrastinate. They have been really acommodating (sp?) and I know they'll be a bit lost without me as far as covering holidays and such. It's so hard for them to find people who aren't useless, so I know they'll struggle a bit. I will miss them all too, it was a good group to work with, and there's certainly something to be said for that.
My feelings of guilt aren't enough to stop me from yelling "WOOHOO!" I will be free from that mind numbing, annoying, dirty job I had, and I will be challenged in a way that interests me. And I won't have to wear that ugly, embarrassing blue vest any more, double WOOHOO!
The kids have been home on spring break all week and it is now Friday-YAY! It's great to spend time with them, and they say they don't miss school but they complain A LOT about being bored unless they have friends here. Luckily a lot of friends have been around this week so it's been tolerable. I was thinking if I didn't get this job, then I might just quit and stay home for the summer...................HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, What the FUCK was I thinking? No, I did my time at home, and momma needs other distractions, thankyou. I still get plenty of time with them so it all works out if you work 2-3 days a week.
My friend and I are dissolving the recycling business as of the end of summer so that'll be one less thing keeping me overly busy as well. She got preggers and since all the equipment was hers, I opted to give it up when she decided to. Which is totally cool with me, it was a lot of work for not much money. I just hope that all the people we got doing it who weren't before will keep on with it, and find some other way to take it to the depot.
Well the sun is shining madly today but they are calling for freezing temps this weekend so I need to herd everyone outside for some movement and fresh air. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!!
Ciao bellas!
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